Domestic Abuse
Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone. Statistically, domestic abuse is experienced by women and perpetrated by men. It doesn’t matter what race or religion you are, what class you are, what age you are, whether you are disabled, or if you have children or not.
Domestic abuse isn’t a one off – it’s a pattern of behaviour, and usually escalates over time, and for many women it can continue even after the relationship has ended. Children are often used by the abuser to try to control and manipulate women.
Police Scotland and the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) see domestic abuse as:
"Any form of physical, verbal, sexual, psychological or financial abuse which might amount to criminal conduct, and which takes place within the context of a relationship. The relationship will be between partners (married, cohabiting, civil partnership or otherwise) or ex-partners. The abuse may be committed in the home or elsewhere including online".
Lots of people think that domestic abuse only means physical violence. This can stop women from asking for help or support because they believe that “at least they don’t hit me” so it’s not that bad. Domestic abuse is much more than physical violence, it’s about power and control and it takes many forms. Click on the heading below to find out more.
• Using objects or weapons to hurt; for example, throwing the remote control at you or threatening you with scissors.
• Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you.
• Controlling what you eat.
• Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol.
• Not letting you sleep.
• Harming your children, family or pets.
• Calling you names, shouting at you ‘getting in your face’ or not talking to you for prolonged periods of time.
• Verbal put downs, telling you that you are useless, that you can’t do anything right.
• Threatening to hurt, your children or others you care about including pets.
• Threatening that he will have the children taken from you if you leave.
• They make you feel like a bad parent, telling the children not to listen to you.
• They make you tell them where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
• Trying to stop you from seeing family or friends.
• Refusing to trust you and acting jealously or accusing you of cheating.
• Trapping you in your home and stopping you from leaving.
• Blaming you for the way they behave or saying that you are making it up.
• Cheating on you.
• Telling you what to wear, whether you can wear makeup or not.
• Telling you that you have no rights because of your immigration status and that you will be deported.
• They threaten to hurt himself if you leave.
• If you’re in a same-sex relationship, threatening to tell others about your sexuality.
• Calling you a slut, whore or other names.
• Pressuring you into having sex or performing sexual acts.
• Demanding sex and ignoring you if you say you don’t want to have sex.
• Making you feel guilty when you don’t want to have sex.
• Hurting you with objects during sex.
• Involving other people in sexual activities with you without your consent.
• Forcing you to watch pornography or to participate in the making of it.
• Withholding or controlling your access to contraception and protection.
• Threatening to share intimate images of you with your friends, family, community or online – this is also a specific offence under the Abusive Behaviour and Sexual Harm (Scotland) Act 2016.
• Not giving you money towards household bills when they live with you.
• Putting debt and loans in your name.
• Not letting you have any access to the bank account or money.
• Making you tell them what you have spent money on.
• Not giving you money for feminine hygiene products.
• Stopping you from working.
• Not paying maintenance for children when the relationship has ended.
• Constantly texting you and telling you that you must always answer his call and within a certain number of rings.
• Sending you negative or insulting messages.
• Using technology to track your movements and activities. Trackers on cars, phones, tablets.
• Not allowing you to have social media accounts.
• Insisting that you give them your passwords to your email or your social media accounts so they can keep track of who likes your posts, who messages you.
• Sending you explicit pictures without your consent and demanding you send them in return.
• Threatening to share intimate images of you with your friends, family, community or online – this is also a specific offence.